The music is so well known, the setting gorgeous but the film a little ho-hum.

I don’t know how I know the music from this film… is it a car ad?  Was it used in Olympic ice skating?  Have I heard it at a wedding?   I don’t know.  But it’s so familiar.  Possibly the most recognisable film music apart from Jurassic Park and Star Wars… although I definitely would never have been able to match it to the film.

The next thing you need to know is Shia LaBeouf isn’t in it.  It looks a lot like Shia is in it, but that’s actually a young Robert De Niro – the resemblance is uncanny.  You also have Jeremy Irons and a young Liam Neeson… “I will find you and I will convert you.”

It’s set somewhere in the Southern American jungles and it’s a bit of a triangle between the Spanish, the Portugese and the indigenous Guarani peoples.  The missionaries are Spanish and they love musical instruments, teaching people to sing and climbing waterfalls to find Guarani to convert to… Christianity.  The Portugese are slave traders and they like riding horse and climbing waterfalls to wage war on the missions.  There is an awful lot of waterfall climbing – I’m sure they could find or build a better path to the jungle.

There are no women in it as characters.  There is one love interest early on, but DeNiro-LaBeouf kills his brother over her and then has to join the missionaries for redemption – I think.  The only other women are the National Geographic stylings of the Guarani.

Nothing much happens.  The Spanish missionaries spend a bit of time converting people.  Then there’s a big travelling sideshow to view all the missionaries in the area.  Then the Portugese declare war on the little mission above the falls.  DeNiro-LaBeouf, Irons and Neeson all get a bit Apocalypse Now and there’s a naval battle in canoes.

It’s really pretty, it’s well shot.  It has a super familiar soundtrack.  It has lovely jungle scenes.  But at the end of the day it’s just a bit nothing.

J* gives it 2 stars.

PS.  It does make me want to watch Emerald Forest again.