For a bad-movie laugh: boobs, murdering monster, crazy rich guy, guys with guns and a burnt out forest.

This film is bad.  So bad.  But it’s the kind of bad where it has no pretension that it might ever have been good… or if it does it is so laughable that no-one else can see it.  But if you’re prepared to talk and laugh your way through it, it can be quite a wild romp.  But you’ll need to bring your own willingness to participate or be hit with some Z-grade bizzo.

I’m not sure the premise really warrants coverage.  Maybe the very basic and very loose idea:  There is a crazy rich guy who believes he is making great art but he is really making snuff films.  Almost on a side note that guy who looks exactly like Charles Bronson is in it and he is (naturally) a detective looking for his daughter.

There are endless young women tied up and being tortured.  The monster baddy, called Havoc, seems to be offended by boobs.  And you guessed it, all the girls have them.  Strangely though, they don’t have bras.  Fashion consistency is really lax.  Most of the girls wear button up shirts (and no bras) but then our main girl, if you can even call her that, is forced to change out of this get-up into a dress.  She describes dresses as “ridiculous costumes” and even I thought she was overplaying them a bit.  As she was getting changed I was all “well, at least she’s got a bra” and then for no reason she took it off.  But later in the film I was surprised at what she’d kept on…

All the action takes place in a burnt out forest and there is zero consistency in geography.  One character can be running up a hill with big trees to fight another character running down a hill that’s eight times as steep and is covered in small trees. You can nearly guarantee no two shots line-up in a coherent sense of landscape.  Havoc rules this burnt forest by running (quite slowly) and waving around his favourite saw that appears about 1.5cm thick and made of plastic.  He is very good at tying up girls very badly – apparently these girls are so dumb they can’t slide their hands out of simple loops.  One girl had to wear a Donnie Darko mask for a bit and that was crazy!

Meanwhile, Bronson’s looky-likey is running around with a revolver shooting at guys with other kinds of guns.  None of these people have gone to gun acting school.  The special effects people have gone to the “geysers of blood” gunshot wound school.  Most people get shot in the neck.  It feels like all the guns just have a random number of bullets they can shoot before running out and reloading.  All the forest is burnt.  The ground is dusty.  “Have you seen this girl?” the Bronson guy asks everyone, living or dead, friend or enemy.  He’s not at all concerned with any of the other girls and this is a bit funny.  Especially because he belongs to a loosely defined “law enforcement agency.” Did I mention he smokes a pipe?

The whole film is so washed out it could nearly be described as sepia, bordering on black and white.  The sky is always grey.  The burnt black tree trunks are often grey.  There is one extended indoor scene of exposition and it is filmed entirely with that half-blue half-red face lighting.  And candles.  Don’t get me wrong I like the effect of coloured lighting generally but this scene makes me think film-makers need to get a licence to use it, like a pen-license.  The red-blue faces just got funnier and funnier the longer I had to watch them for.  Her dress has clap-operated fairy lights…

The longer the film goes on the less boobs appear and this seems very strange as there are more girls towards the end.  This is a really bad film, but you can make it an entertaining “bad-movie” watch if you’re so inclined.

J* gives it 2 stars.

The trailer sells the film perfectly for what it is.